Today’s extemporaneity would like a Geek Pie, please

Just as a bad workman always blames his tools, so a bad rumourmonger always blames his snouts. We’re not passing the buck, it was somebody else’s fault. Despite telling our team of hapless sniffers that we would cattle-prod them to within an inch of their future fatherhood prospects if they did not give us some premium juice this morning – Phil Brown to start an acid-skiffle group with Bez and Courtney Love, say, or Andrés Iniesta to Gillingham – we’re left drinking the same old watered-down rubbish. So let’s get on with it.

Chelsea are going to spend €40m to pip Barcelona and Real Madrid to the signing of the Benfica winger Angel di María, a man whose name sets the Mill in mind of Angel Delight and more innocent, benevolent times. Bananaman on TV, jumpers for goalposts, having our head flushed down the toilet twice a day by “Cropper” McNichol, being forced to sniff paint behind the bikesheds, silently weeping ourselves to sleep at night.

Everton’s manager David Moyes has told anyone who’ll listen that Jack Rodwell is going nowhere this summer. Given that Moyes is one of the hardest men ever to walk the earth, and once gave The Mill a prolonged attack of The Fear by simply making eye contact with us for 1.42 seconds, we’ll take his word for it.

In an attempt to get a greater grasp of the English culture, and having completely failed to understand the point of Loose Women and The One Show, Gianfranco Zola is planning to play a game of pass the “half-decent England goalkeeper” in the summer. If Robert Green decides to leave Upton Park, Zola will replace him with Joe Hart on a year-long loan, it says here.

Harry Redknapp is in the shower. And while he’s firmly scrubbing the luscious bubbles of Original Source Mint Shower Gel into his freshly waxed six-pack, he’s thinking about the 16-year-old Zambian left-back Emmanuel Mbola, who he wants to sign for £1m from Armenian side Yerevan. That actually sounds a bit Didier Baptiste to us, but our crack team of grizzled Armenian snouts assure us otherwise. In fact Mbola has already played 20 times for his country, having won his first cap as a foetus.

Oh, and Ashley Cole nearly swerved off whatever the Chelsea equivalent of the North Circular is when he learned he would be disciplined by Chelsea for reportedly doing extra training in his hotel room bedroom during away trips. He was just keeping fit! Cole may do one to Barcelona or Real Madrid as a consequence. “Ashley is having a rough time at the moment,” said a source. “If he and Cheryl get divorced, why would he want to stay in this country?” Loose Women?

ChelseaTottenham HotspurEvertonHarry RedknappDavid MoyesBenficaRob Smythguardian.co.uk

The fight for fourth place continues with no side prepared to produce a knockout blow. Both of these teams aspire to Champions League football, and Tottenham would have returned to the top four with a win here, but after an invigorating first half they produced a comparatively pallid second and though the home side threw themselves forward with mounting desperation towards the end a goalless draw, Villa’s third in four league games, was the result.

It was perhaps just as well that Harry Redknapp, the Spurs manager, had rubbished the recent suggestion of his Arsenal counterpart, Arsène Wenger, that Villa play a long-ball game. There was no doubt which side employed that tactic with more regularity here, such was the regularity with which the home side launched the ball from their own half towards Peter Crouch.

Much as it might horrify their north London rivals, Spurs can hardly be blamed for relying on such a potent weapon. Crouch played his part to perfection, rarely losing possession and twice in the opening 20 minutes touching long balls neatly into the path of Luka Modric, the Croat shooting weakly when well placed in the fourth minute and returning the ball to Crouch in the 18th only for Brad Friedel to save smartly.

The recent defensive record of both sides – it had been three minutes shy of five matches, and almost two months, since any visiting player scored here in the league, while Villa arrived in search of a fourth successive clean sheet in this competition – suggested that such chances might prove hard to come by. Villa’s hopes deteriorated further when Emile Heskey was injured early on in a collision with Wilson Palacios, but both sides had decent opportunities to score.

From David Bentley’s 14th-minute corner Ledley King sent a free header straight at Friedel, though Defoe should probably have turned in the loose ball. Friedel later in the first half brilliantly saved from the Spurs captain, this time after a Modric free-kick. At the other end, Heurelho Gomes pushed away James Milner’s low shot in the 28th minute and rose quickly to put Gabriel Agbonlahor’s follow-up effort behind for a corner.

The steady flow of chances did not survive half-time. In the first 15 minutes after the interval both Stewart Downing and Ashley Young sent free-kicks from dangerous positions well over the goal, while the impressive Tom Huddlestone ended a Spurs break with a low shot from 20 yards that Friedel pushed around the post.

Jermain Defoe was largely peripheral, as if the effort expended in scoring a hat-trick at Leeds in midweek had left him exhausted rather than inspired. With Villa’s defence apparently in control they enjoyed a productive spell, though all they had to show for it was a couple of half-hearted efforts from Heskey’s replacement, John Carew.

Spurs threw bodies forward in a final quarter-hour that they totally dominated, but their attacks simply gave the visiting defence further opportunity to prove their excellence. With 10 minutes remaining Defoe was played in for the first time, only for Richard Dunne to steal the ball off his toes with a brilliant tackle. The ball fell to Crouch, whose shot from 20 yards deflected narrowly wide of goal. Then in the 90th minute Dawson headed a corner to Crouch, who improvised a backheel that, like so much of what preceded it, was not quite good enough.

THE FANS’ PLAYER RATINGS AND VERDICT

Bill Allfrey, PlanetSpurs.com Martin O’Neill’s game plan was to stop us ­scoring and it worked. Villa have got to be ­happier because they didn’t come to win and Spurs, just like against several teams at the Lane this season, did not find a way past the bus parked in front of goal. We played well but just couldn’t find the net. The one player they used to attack on the break was Ashley Young but Gareth Bale had the measure of him – the wide players did very well, and Dawson and King in the centre of defence were first-class. But in the last 20 minutes Villa didn’t come up our end.

The fan’s player ratings Gomes 7; Corluka 7, Dawson 7, King 7, Bale 8; Bentley 8, Huddlestone 7, Palacios 7, Modric 7; Defoe 6,Crouch 7

Nigel Ashford, Observer reader With all the cup games we’ve had recently I think a lot of people didn’t realise this was one of our biggest games of the season. They ­murdered us 1-1 at our place, whereas today they had to come on to us, and though they had a lot of possession Villa’s defence was resolute. We were well in the game, too, at half-time before fading a bit in the second half. You never quite know what to expect at Spurs but the stakes were so high that it made for a cagey game that took ages to find a pattern. Spurs will be upset with that but I’m positive – we stood tall.

The fan’s player ratings Friedel 9; Cuéllar 6, Dunne 8, Collins 8, L Young 8; A Young 6, Milner 7, Petrov 6, Downing 6 (Sidwell 88 n/a); Agbonlahor 8, Heskey 8 (Carew 21 4)

TO TAKE PART IN THE FANS’ VERDICT, EMAIL FANS.PREMIER@OBSERVER.CO.UK

Premier LeagueTottenham HotspurAston VillaSimon Burntonguardian.co.uk